healthy! ...and okay with it

"I hate skinny girls; why the obsession? What's wrong with being healthy and happy?" -Adele

*disclaimer: This post is about a very big point of most of my insecurities. I'm very sorry in advance for any ranting. Also, I absolutely do not mean any of this in a hurtful way. They're my feelings.*

Don't get me wrong here, I love Adele's music. (I have two ears and double X chromosomes, don't I?) However, this quote bothers me so much. Just because someone is skinny does not mean they're obsessed with being that way. And since when can skinny not also be healthy? I just have never been able to understand why it's okay for someone to be rude to a skinny girl based solely on her body, but if you're rude to a heavier girl because of her body you are automatically heartless, shallow, and essentially the worst person in the world. I don't understand how no one seems to realize that hurtful comments are hurtful to everyone, even if you try to disguise it as a compliment (like so many "skinny" slams are).
Ok, calm down Abi. Where's all this coming from? The main thing that really set me off was my coworkers. The hotel were I work has a very small staff (with only 8 of us on my immediate staff), and between the others on my immediate team there are 2 who are post-gastric bypass surgery, 1 with Type 2 diabetes, and 2 who are (nicest way to say it) morbidly obese. Quite honestly, I never even gave any of it a second thought. That's just not how I think of people; if I think poorly of someone, it's because we have personality differences, not because of body type. That is, I never gave it a thought until this past week.

We were having our monthly team meeting, and briefly addressed our uniforms. My manager was just going around the group, making sure everyone had received the new uniform, and just briefly acknowledged that the ones he ordered for me were on backorder. "Surprise, they only stock real person sizes, not any extra smalls." The sneered comment came from a coworker. (I'm not oversensitive. Read it in the meanest voice possible and you might get how she said it...) I'm not sure why it hurt so much, but the way it was said seriously felt like a slap in the face. Of course, I tried to play it off "Oh ha-ha, very funny, whatever," but inside I suddenly felt so excluded and unwanted there. (that part makes me really sad, because we are such a small staff, and we're normally all pretty close). Unfortunately, it only got worse from there. We moved on from uniforms (to something or other about numbers and scores and blah blah blah no one cares about that part) to our upcoming staff party at Roaring Springs, a water park here in Boise. This time, everyone felt compelled to join in with their own comments. "Can we make Abi wear a mu-mu the whole time?" "I'd be looking forward to it more if it was just us curvy girls." "Can you at least not wear a two-piece? If we wanted to see ribs we'd just go to a barbecue place instead." You get the gist. I don't remember another time when I felt so humiliated and self-conscious. 

I think this all hurt so bad because I have to be aware of my health. Not in the gym-every-night, health-food-crazed way; I just simply recognize that our bodies are the only thing that are truly ours while we're on this Earth, and I don't want to take that for granted. This body is mine and mine alone, and I want to take care of it. So I do. I don't go on crazy diets, and I don't need to. But, people see me turn down a lot of foods and automatically assume that I'm starving myself to be skinny. Or I mention that I just got back from a walk or a swim and they assume I'm obsessed with being fit. Both wrong. I'm not (by any means) starving; there's just a lot of foods that I can't eat, and exercising helps me with some of the health issues I have. I've struggled for years and years with the circulation in my legs. Everything from about mid-thigh down balloons up like a 10-months-pregnant woman's in the middle of July, and aches like you would not believe. After years of countless doctor's appointments, tests, and 3 surgeries on the veins in my legs, I finally had to crack down and figure it out for myself. Here's what I've found to help me:

• Mainly, I don't eat salt. No, it's not some new fad diet. No, it's not some weird form of vegan-ism.  When I was about to finish my senior year of high school, I finally pinpointed 3 main triggers: 1.Standing for long periods of time = bad. 2.Heat = bad. 3.Salt = SO SO BAD. Hence: I don't eat salt. The heat and standing are a lot more manageable if I haven't had any salt, so I avoid it at absolutely all costs. Not just table salt, but anything with over about 75mg of sodium: canned, prepackaged, made-for-convenience foods (think: Hot Pockets, pre-made dough, chips, boxed rices/Mac n Cheese, pretty much all seasonings, etc.) It's just simply not worth the hours and hours of discomfort that follow. So, I make basically all of my meals from scratch, fresh fruits and veggies, and unprocessed/unpackaged meats (which means deer and elk, killed in the great outdoors and not pumped full of chemicals to make them "taste better"). It's what works for me.
• I exercise. (Note: I hate the gym. I hate running. I'm horribly inflexible. But you know what? I find ways that I like for me to exercise). I take Percy on walks every single day, and I make him swim at least 300 meters with me on my days off, because those are what I like to do. I love walking in the evenings and listening to the crickets starting to come out (although if they come anywhere near me, I am OUT. Crickets are a mini version of grasshoppers and grasshoppers are how Satan presents himself to the mortal world). I've always felt way more comfortable in water than I have anywhere on land, so of course I absolutely love to swim for exercise. (BONUS: Swimming is one of the very best exercises possible; no pressure on your joints and it works every muscle group in your body!) For me personally, the exercising helps (definitely doesn't fix, but helps) my circulation. So I exercise!

That's it. I do it for me, so I feel good and can actually bear to be on my feet for longer than 20 minutes at a time. I don't see why others jump to conclusions about it when I'm simply doing what I feel is right for me and my body, especially when not one of them has ever asked to find out why I don't eat those certain foods or why I make sure to get some exercise every day. They just assume it's all to lose weight. It's not, and it never has been. 

So you know what? I'm done feeling self conscious and judged for my diet and my lifestyle. If no one cares to ask, I don't feel a need to explain myself or apologize to anyone for it. I'm going to that staff party. I'm probably not going to eat the over-processed, greasy, salty pizza with them, and I'm not going to feel the need to explain why. I'm going to wear whatever bathing suit I want. And I'm going to enjoy myself.

This amazing woman had some great words about the crazy, weight-obsessed world we live in:

Mr. Cash

Anyone that knows me knows that I've had baby fever for at least the last 5 or 6 years. Granted, it's been varying degrees of wanting a baby and just wanting to love on other peoples' babies, but baby fever nonetheless. (My wedding drawing nearer and nearer is not helping either!)

Luckily, my dear friend Cadee was kind enough to give me a regular baby fix since April 16th, when she had her sweet baby boy Cash Ray. He is such a doll! (She always thinks I'm doing her such a huge favor by babysitting- as if I'm not dying to take him every day!) 

He was so tiny when he was first born! Barely over 5 lbs :)

Little dude is getting so big (FAT) now though! My favorites are all the little facial expressions he's starting to make, and his little babbling stories!

BLESSED to have friends that let me occasionally steal their offspring and get my baby fix...

Percival Roy Kinghorn

One long night studying and finishing final projects for school. Realizing it was 5:30 am, and it's probably pointless to go to bed now. Go to 7:00 am class together. Find ourselves completely unable to concentrate. Surf web to stay awake. Somehow find ourselves looking at local animal shelter's website. Decide to swing by after class, just to see.

....and end up with this:

Percival Roy Kinghorn.

(Percy, to his friends.)

He was transferred in to the Boise shelter from another Humane Society from outside the city a few days before we got him, so we don't know any of the details on why he was put there (he was definitely trained before, and absolutely got enough to eat...), how long he was there, or even exactly how old he is (one vet said 2, another said 3 or 4). We just knew that we had to have him. 

This big guy has had such an amazing impact on our lives since that day! I didn't even realize what our little family was missing until I met PercyBear, and then it became abundantly clear. We needed him way more than he needed us! 

He was pretty overweight when we adopted him (89.6 lbs!!), but he has so far lost about 15 lbs thanks to lots of walks, swims, and a much better diet! He always has the sweetest doggy smile on his face, and he's been such a great companion to me when I would otherwise be home alone while Ty's working such long hours. Unfortunately for Ty, he's definitely turned into a huge Mama's Boy :) Now that we have him, I can't imagine us ever having a home without him in it! He's absolutely wonderful with babies and little kids (who love that he's the perfect height for them to get horsey rides), and I can't wait for my babies to grow up with such a wonderful family pet! 

In case you're wondering: Yes, he is wearing floaties for swimming in the top left picture above. He's still too fat for his stubby little legs to be able to keep his head above water for very long. (Please don't laugh at him, he gets plenty of that at home already...)

summer summer time!

Wow. Oops. Here I was, in the middle of April, thinking about how I should really keep up on my blog this time, but I just had to get through finals first before I could think of anything else. Annnnnd now it's mid-July. OOPS. 

This summer has been crazy so far. Silly me, I still get stuck on the idea that once summer hits, I'll get less busy. Wrong. My hours at work nearly tripled, so I've been working almost constantly. I'm also taking a summer class for school, so that's another 3 hours a day, 3 days a week. On top of all this, Ty got a new job. Luckily, he loves the job (he's back in a kitchen, which he likes so much better than Jimmy John's). He doubled up and did both jobs for the first 2 months or so, but he recently quit Jimmy John's for good so he can be exclusively at the restaurant. The only (huge) downside to his new job is that his shift is always 3pm until at least 11 or midnight; my shifts are always 7am until 3pm, so when we're both working (which is at least 5 or 6 days a week), I literally never see him. I try to stay positive and remind myself how lucky and blessed we are to both have steady jobs, but there are definitely days where I have to sit and really concentrate to remember when the last time I saw Ty when we were both awake. Again, it's been crazy! 

Luckily, there have been a few weeks where we both had the same two days off, so we've been able to take a few camping trips, as well as a great trip a few weeks ago down to Salt Lake. It's been so fun!